i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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