Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
These tits shall not be calmed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
