he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what is it with giant penises always finding me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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