Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
