We're facebook friends in real life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
