I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
