Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
