Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
