o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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