brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
