How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
