So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
