Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
