You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
