I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
