those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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