guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
