so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dicks are not precious.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
