So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
