Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
