the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
