i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
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By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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