i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
