If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
