I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A+ Viking dick
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