That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
