i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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