you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish there were birth control emojis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize