I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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