Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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