Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
