this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
