So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
