Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
