I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
