I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
