Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so let's talk penis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
