Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
