Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
