So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
