there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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