hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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