he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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