Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
