If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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