I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
