Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
