The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
