i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
