I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
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I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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