True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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