if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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