I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
