she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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