There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
