he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
