did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
