it wasn't lemon gatorade
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
