its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize