best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
