when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
