You work out of a Hotel?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
