I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
