My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
