Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
