My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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