I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
