WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
