sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
