Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The adults are the big ones right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
