burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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