Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
