So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
