even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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