Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Found the puke drawer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
