Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
