Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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