A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize