fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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